Every child expects love and support from his family, but what happens when this family becomes a cause of pain and fear for a child? Especially when a new relationship of step-parents is added to his life.
Not all step-parents are bad, but when their behavior starts crushing the feelings of children and starts controlling them, then this becomes toxic step-parent behavior. Many times children are not able to understand that what is happening to them is not normal,
because toxic parent traits such as guilt, emotional neglect or unreasonable expectations gradually become a part of the child’s thinking and children start considering themselves responsible for all the mistakes.
You may think, what is a toxic father’s behavior or what effect does a toxic mother have on a child? And if the child is living with a step-parent, then how does having a step-parent affect a child? These questions are very deep, and their answers are directly related to the psychology that works behind toxic parent behavior.
In this article, we will explore these questions – how a toxic step-parent’s attitude affects a child’s mental and emotional health, and the signs of toxic parents that are often overlooked.
Are Your Parents Toxic? Find Out With These 30 Signs.
Every good child expects a lot of love from his parents because it is the duty of parents to love their children and understand their feelings, but many children, due to the abnormal behavior of their parents, think that “Is there something lacking in me?”, “Why do I always make mistakes” or
“Why am I afraid to talk to my own parents?” It is possible that you do everything right but your parents blame you for every mistake. It is possible that you are becoming a victim of toxic parent behavior, so the following 30 important signs of toxic parent behavior have been told.
1. Repeated Insults or Taunts
People who do not like you or are jealous of you often try to humiliate you or taunt you. Similarly, toxic parents also call children ‘failure’, ‘useless’, or ‘useless’ on small matters. This behaviour of parents has a negative impact on the child’s mind and life. In the long run, this behaviour can create a deep inferiority complex and self-hatred in the child.
2. Dismissing Your Feelings by Calling Them ‘Acting’
Toxic parents do not take children seriously and do not understand their feelings. For this, they often say to children, “Why are you crying so much?”, “Are you feeling sad about this too?”, “It was your mistake.” These things show that they do not understand your emotional existence. This emotional neglect of toxic parents can create deep sadness and loneliness in the child.
3. Giving Physical Punishment For a Small Mistake
It is normal that someone who does not love you does not care about your feelings. Therefore, it is normal for parents to scold children a lot in childhood or to stop them for every thing, but beating, scolding or scaring the child repeatedly for his mistake comes under toxic parenting. Due to this, the child feels insecure and scared, which has a negative impact on his life.
4. Always Putting Oneself First
Toxic parents do not give much priority to children, rather they give priority to themselves first. They ignore the needs and desires of the child and think only about their own comfort and benefits, then the child starts considering himself as worthless. This selfish toxic parent behavior can create a feeling of inferiority in the child.
5. Inappropriate Sexual Behavior
One of the most dangerous and serious behaviors in toxic parent traits is sexually inappropriate behavior with the child. Many times this behavior is seen not from biological parents, but also from step-parents, especially when they are not emotionally attached to the child.
What is a toxic step parent behavior If we understand psychology, it is clear that when a person takes out his unresolved anger, frustration or feeling of control on the child, then many times he crosses such limits which are not only inhuman, but are also a crime by law.
If a parent or step-parent talks to a child on inappropriate topics, shows obscene material, makes obscene gestures or violates the child’s sexual boundaries in any other way, then it is clearly sexual abuse.
This behavior leaves a deep and lifelong impact on the child’s mental health, which increases the possibility of ruining the child’s life because the child lives with regret throughout his life, which does not allow his confidence to grow.
Children start struggling with problems like emotional trauma, distrust, fear and guilt after such experiences. Therefore, it is not at all safe for the child to ignore such toxic parent behavior. Every child should raise his voice against it and should not be afraid.
6. Interfering in Everything
Toxic parents have a habit of not letting the child take his own decisions and interfere in his every decision. They take most of the decisions themselves, such as what the child should eat, whom to meet, which career to choose.
This makes it very difficult for children to become self-reliant because they do not get a chance to take decisions. These controlling toxic parents always try to have complete control over the lives of their children, as a result of which the child’s independence and decision-making ability is suppressed.
Children are not able to take decisions on their own, and also lose their self-esteem and confidence. Such controlling toxic parents never let children become self-reliant.
7. Excessive Punishment
When parents punish their children excessively even for a small mistake, it is a form of harsh discipline, which has a deep impact on the child’s mental health, which becomes a big problem in the child’s life. Suppose if a child is not talked to for months or is not given food for several days or is beaten for a small mistake,
this not only puts the child under mental stress but also makes him feel that he is not important. Toxic parents are those who punish and humiliate the child more than necessary.
8. Obeying Everything
Toxic parents often consider the child priceless and make the child feel that his feelings have no importance and he is worthless. For this, they start imposing restrictions on the child’s speech, such as if the child asks a question or answers a wrong reaction,
they tell the child that he is misbehaving. They want to suppress the child’s voice and this affects the child’s development. Toxic parenting does not allow the child to become an independent person.
9. Being Jealous of Your Social Life
It is a psychological fact that toxic people are irritable and they do not show interest in seeing other people happy. Similarly, toxic parents are often jealous of their children’s social relationships and happiness.
When the child spends time with his friends or relatives, such parents remove him from there on some pretext or interfere with his happiness. They try to keep children away from their social circle, which creates lack of confidence and social insecurity in the child.
Psychological research shows that when parents are jealous of their children’s happiness and social relationships, it can also have a negative impact on their academic,
career, and personal life. This toxic jealousy of toxic parents can further spoil the child’s social relationships, so understanding toxic parent traits and dealing with their effects is very important for the child’s mental health and future.
10. Want Self-Praise
Toxic parents often try to show themselves as great so that the child agrees to everything they say and they impose their expectations on the children.
Such self-absorbed parents always ignore the feelings and achievements of their children, and are not very happy with their achievements,
but also find faults in their success, such as why did they get 98% percentage and why did they not get 99.9% percentage. Due to which children start having self-doubt and lack of self-esteem. Often self-absorbed parents ignore the feelings of their children and try to mold them according to their needs.
Its effect
- Lack of self-esteem and self-doubt increases in children, which has a negative impact on their lives.
- Children constantly strive for the approval of their parents, which increases the possibility of mental fatigue and stress in the child.
- In the future, children can repeat this pattern in their relationships as well, where they ignore their feelings for the approval of others, due to which happiness starts ending in their lives.
12. Getting Angry at Everything
When parents get excessively angry at even small mistakes of children, shout at them or do not consider them worth talking to, then it is a sign of them being an emotionally immature toxic parent. Often such parents take out their life’s failures, anger or disappointment on the children.
Due to this behavior, children start feeling that nothing is right from them, which creates insecurity, self-doubt and emotional fear in them. Clinical psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson, in her famous book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, says that such parents do not understand the emotional needs of children.
They either ignore the thoughts and feelings of children or label them as ‘rude’, ‘stubborn’ or ‘wrong’. This makes the children feel guilty. The behavior of such parents can hinder the mental and emotional growth of the child.
13. Insulting Your Feelings
When a child’s feelings are hurt, he expects his parents to give him emotional support so that he feels better and often toxic parents do not understand the feelings of children and say, “Are you crying over such a small thing?” or “Now stop doing drama and keep quiet,” this is a classic example of toxic parent behavior,
which is called emotional invalidation in psychology. This means denying, ignoring, or making fun of a person’s feelings or experience. The American Psychological Association and many mental health experts consider this to be emotionally abusive behavior.
Dr. Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), says that emotional invalidation can have a profound impact on mental health and can become the root of problems like borderline personality disorder. Its essence is that parents ignoring the feelings of children has a negative impact on the child’s life.
14. Repeatedly Breaking Your Personal Boundaries
When parents start breaking the child’s personal boundaries repeatedly, it is a violation of the child’s personal boundaries and it is a clear sign of toxic parents.
From a psychological point of view, respecting boundaries is the first foundation of a healthy family relationship and only by respecting boundaries can the relationship be strengthened.
When parents repeatedly violate the child’s personal space and privacy, it can have a negative impact on the child’s self-esteem and mental health. According to Verywell Mind, such behaviour can cause children to struggle with developing their own identity and independence
15. Finding Faults all The Time
Parents who deliberately find faults in their child’s work are often toxic parents. For example, you worked very hard and won a silver medal in a 400 meter race, but they said that a silver medal is not recognized, but a gold medal is recognized as success.
If this happens repeatedly by parents, then it is not just “feedback” but may be a sign of persistent toxic parent behavior. According to renowned psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone, children who grow up in a constantly critical environment often develop (self-critical thinking).
This means that they start blaming themselves for every small thing and start blaming themselves for all the mistakes, such as “I can never do anything right.” (Source: How Critical Parents Affect Children) According to another research, chronic criticism in children increases anxiety, depression, and self-doubt.
(NCBI Study – Effects of parental criticism) This behavior of parents comes under signs of toxic parents, toxic parent traits, and toxic mother/father. If your childhood was spent in this critical environment, then it is time to stop blaming yourself and start healing.
16. Sharing Personal Things in Front of Others
Sharing personal things in front of others is not always a sign of toxic parents, but often parents talk about their child or the child’s future plans while sharing their things with someone. But when some of the child’s secrets are shared with others, the child feels embarrassed, angry and regrets himself.
Imagine, you had unknowingly urinated on the bed in your sleep, which is a normal thing due to physical weakness, but when you hear the same thing about yourself from the neighbor aunty, then it can increase the chances of anger in you.
This was a normal thing, but when it comes to toxic parents, they do not think at all before sharing the private matters of children with anyone and tell them, due to which the foundation of trust in the relationship weakens and the child is forced to think that “Do my feelings have no value?” “Is nothing said with me safe?”
This behavior is a kind of emotional boundary violation, which is sometimes done by toxic step parents as well. And these are those subtle signs which we can also call signs of toxic parents.
Conclusion
Every child feels most secure in his home. But when the parents themselves become toxic parents, then this home can become a place of fear, stress and loneliness. In this article, we have explained in detail what is a toxic step parent behavior and what effect it has on the child.
A toxic step parent is one who ignores the child’s feelings, controls them or hurts them emotionally. What is a toxic step parent behavior psychology explains to us that when step-parents impose their own unfulfilled needs and pain on the child, it directly affects the child’s thinking, self-esteem and emotional development.
Now the question arises how does having a step-parent affect a child? There is no single answer to this, because it depends on the behavior of the step-parent. A loving and supportive step parent can bring positive changes in the child’s life, whereas a toxic parent can give rise to negative emotions like anger, fear and guilt.
It is also important that we recognize the toxic parent traits hidden in every relationship, not just step-parents, whether it is a toxic father or a toxic mother. Ignoring the signs of toxic parents can be dangerous for the child’s future.
FAQs About What is a toxic step parent behavior
Q1. What is a toxic step parent behavior?
Toxic step parent behavior is one that ignores the child’s feelings and harms their thinking and self-confidence, such as making frequent comparisons, hating the child unnecessarily or trying to control the child in everything.
Q2. What is a toxic father’s behavior in a blended family?
A toxic father (or stepfather) often ignores the children, does not try to understand their feelings and tries to treat the children according to his own will. The reason behind this is often his own expectations from the child.
Q3. What is the reason behind Toxic step parent behavior psychology?
The reason behind this kind of behavior can often be the Toxic step parent’s own unresolved emotional issues, jealousy or past trauma.
Q4. How does having a step-parent affect a child emotionally?
If the step-parent is loving, the child accepts him/her easily, but if they have toxic step parent behavior, then the child may face problems like insecurity, anxiety and identity confusion, due to which the child does not accept the parents easily.
Q5. What are the things that are included in toxic parent traits?
Toxic parent traits often include controlling, emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, not respecting boundaries, and invalidating the feelings of children.
Q6. Is every step-parent toxic?
This is not the case at all. Many step-parents are loving, understanding and supportive and they also love the children, but when there is a lack of boundaries, respect and affection in the relationship, then toxic behavior develops.
Q7. What is the difference between a toxic mother and a toxic stepmother?
A toxic mother can be biological, whereas a toxic stepmother is non-biological. But the common thing in both is that emotionally abusive and controlling nature is similar. But if the toxic mother is biological, then the child may get some relief from it, but the child may face a lot of difficulties in case of a toxic step mother.
Q8. What can be the signs of toxic parents that a child often feels?
The child is often scared, does not share his feelings, feels low self-esteem and feels burden instead of happiness in the house.
Q9. How to identify a toxic parent if he proves himself to be good?
If a parent always proves his point, but consistently ignores the child’s feelings, then this is a unique sign of toxic behavior. It is quite easy to identify toxic parents through this.
Q10. What psychological problems can children face due to toxic step parent behavior?
Due to toxic step parent behavior, children may develop anxiety, depression, people-pleasing tendency, and attachment issues in childhood.
Q11. Can jealousy of a step-parent create a toxic relationship with a child?
Yes, this is common in toxic relationships. If the step-parent is insecure about the bond between his spouse and his child, he may display toxic parent traits in jealousy.
Q12. What to do if the child is living with a toxic step-parent?
If it is an outsider, he should first emotionally support the child, and the children should try to come out of this situation on their own.
Q13. Does the toxic stepfather often give more attention to the biological children?
In many cases, yes, the toxic stepfather prefers his biological children, which makes the stepchild feel neglected and unwanted, which is not a good thing to do because it is discrimination.
Q14. How do toxic parents affect children’s future relationships?
After the abnormal treatment of toxic parents, the child finds it difficult to become self-confident, due to which such children may later struggle with issues like trust issues, emotional dependency or relationship avoidance.
Q15. Why is this behavior harmful according to toxic step parent behavior psychology?
According to psychology, this behavior attacks the child’s self-worth and identity, so this toxic step parent behavior is harmful according to psychology.
Q16. Is a toxic step-parent very good in appearance?
Yes, it often happens that in the beginning, the toxic step-parent looks very good in front of people, but when alone with the children, he tries to control, insult and manipulate them.
Q17. Why can a child become rebellious due to toxic step parent behavior?
When the child’s feelings and sadness are repeatedly ignored, then the child’s frustration can change into rebellious behavior.
Q18. What extra emotional challenges does a daughter face with a toxic mother or stepmother?
A daughter often falls prey to comparison, judgement and emotional coldness, which affects her body image and confidence, which does not allow her to become self-confident.
Q19. How can toxic step parent behavior be healed?
For healing toxic step parent behavior, the child should be given a safe space, open conversations should be held and help of a therapist should be sought and if biological parents are present then their support should also be taken.
Q20. Can toxic step parent behavior be changed?
This is quite difficult to do because a person can improve his own habits but when it comes to improving someone else’s habits, it is a difficult task because we do not have control over the other person but if the step-parent is ready to understand and correct his mistakes, then change is possible.